Keeping your maiden name?

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urmaserendipity85
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Keeping your maiden name?

Post by urmaserendipity85 » Wed Jun 10, 2009 4:48 pm

Hi guys,
I've looked around to see if this has been posted before, can't find anything but apologies if you've discussed it before.
I've been wondering for a while what people's opinions are on keeping your maiden name professionally when you get married?
I'm not engaged or anything (yet) but have always thought that I would be Dr maiden name at work when I qualify and Mrs married name at home. I'd like to take my husband's name when I marry but am just concerned about the safety of having his surname for both. I know lots of CPs keep their maiden name and I like the idea of it in terms of safety, keeping a distinction between work and home, and also from a silly point of view my unusual surname means any research I do should be easy to find!
However I know a trainee who took her husband's name as she got too confused trying to figure out who she was signing different things as. My partner (who is in no way shape or form psychologically minded) insists that I should have his name for everything, although I think he's coming round. Also I'm just thinking that lots of psychologists aren't married/are men and don't seem to have a problem with having the same name.
I just wondered what people thought?

vars
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Post by vars » Wed Jun 10, 2009 5:17 pm

hello

Well I'm getting married in August and have been thinking about this a lot! I'm definitely taking his name outwith work but am due to have some research published soon and it will be in my maiden name so unsure as to whether to keep this name or not!

I think if I was fully qualifed or halfway through the course I might just keep my name as it is for ease but because it will change before I start I might change it from the beginning so all my certificates etc will have my married name.

I know a few people who have done both, think it's just personal preference really!

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Spatch
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Post by Spatch » Wed Jun 10, 2009 6:27 pm

Maybe unexpected coming from a man, but I think this sort of thing isn't questioned nearly enough. In the 21st century why should someone independent and autonomous feel compelled to go through this process?

Names are part of ones identity. I personally find the idea of someone having to change their surname demeaning, and potentially undermining of this. I also find the practice of having children automatically take their father's surname regardless of martial status or inclination. Thats why I am insisting my kids, when they arrive, take their mother's surname. I see it as a relic of a patriarchal era where surnames were equated with ownership and have no desire to perpetuate that.

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miriam
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Post by miriam » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:19 pm

I've done exactly what you mention in the OP, kept my maiden name professionally and taken on my husband's surname for everything to do with home. Our children have the married surname. I like that my work (and court) identity is separate, and that I can let go of my work role out of work. I can just be a patient at my GP, for example, and I don't have to be on the electoral roll in the name clients know.
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eponymous85
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Post by eponymous85 » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:29 pm

Am I being a bit dense? What safety issues?
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miriam
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Post by miriam » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:57 pm

For me, I once had a father whose child was removed in a court case where I was the expert make threats to track me down and get revenge. He'd previously been in prison for stalking, so my trust security took it quite seriously. Anyway, I think that is unusual even in child protection work, but it was reassuring to me that I don't use a home address in my BPS registration and I don't have the same name on the electoral roll.
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katyboo
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Post by katyboo » Wed Jun 10, 2009 9:51 pm

there's no way i'd change my name- its who i am. I agree with spatch. I'm not married to my partner but our child has his surname and this is also on his birth cert.I will answer to 'Mrs partners name' for simplicity is necessary, but will be 'Dr my name' without a doubt.

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noodle
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Post by noodle » Wed Jun 10, 2009 10:14 pm

I've never heard of using 2 different names before, doesn't it get confusing? Do you still us the title Dr with your 'home name'? Which name would you have on your ID such as passport etc?

Vars I think we're in the same situation as I'm hoping to have a couple of publications in the next year before I get married so I'm unsure what to do as well.

urmaserendipity85
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Post by urmaserendipity85 » Thu Jun 11, 2009 11:49 am

eponymous85 wrote:Am I being a bit dense? What safety issues?
I was just thinking, as Miriam says, that I wouldn't like the risk of having a client track me down. Obviously you can be ex-directory etc but if you have a different name that you use at home then they have very little chance of being able to find you. I'm maybe considering the worst here but I don't think I'd want clients knowing who I am outside of work, and that includes my future kids as well.

Thankfully it's not something I have to decide on just yet!

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Post by Lil_Angel » Thu Jun 11, 2009 12:24 pm

Hmm this thread is starting to make me think that I will need 2 different names to be safe working in clinical psychology! I was going to take my married name after getting married in august for both work and home, but now I'm not so sure...

I'm also wondering the same as Charlotte, what goes on your passport and drivers licence? Would it not get a bit confusing if say you are going to an international conference and you need your passport but work would book you with your work name? Just having had a bit of bother with my car insurance I guess I would be thinking if work would accept my insurance if it was under a different name?

As vars said I think an advantage would be that I've had papers published so would be good to have consistency. Nevertheless it seems such a huge thing to have 2 names for the sake of someone being able to track me down/find other papers easier.

Rant over :D
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nettyb
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Post by nettyb » Thu Jun 11, 2009 1:47 pm

This is an interesting topic and its something I've been pondering over myself recently.

With regards to people stalking or checking you out on the electoral register, I suppose you would need to be careful that you don't live too close to where you work so that you don't end up on the same register as clients. I personally go out of my way not to work close to home so that the liklihood of clients seeing me around town etc is reduced. I'm also pretty strict in the way that I work and I don't let clients know anything about me or my private life (no pitures or personal bits in the room that I use at all). I've decised that I will be using my married name in both my personal and professional life once I'm married next April, that's been something I've had to think long and hard about but am happy with that decision. I've known several people who are CPs and have been married since qualification who have chosen to use their married name at work and it hasn't caused them any problems at all.

Just like with anything else you have to risk assess what you are happy and not happy with a client knowing. Very risky clients often don't make it through to mainstream services anyway (e.g. those that are violent or have a tendency to stalk) because they're usually in forensic services.

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miriam
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Post by miriam » Thu Jun 11, 2009 3:28 pm

Having two names has never caused me a problem. I use my maiden name on drivers license, passport and insurance documents, and my married name on electoral roll, GP/health records, etc. If there is ever a problem people happily write the other name on as well (eg on a sick note for work) but if push comes to shove I can either show my chequebook (its a joint account so it has both names on it) or my marriage certificate (for our mortgage, or something really important where proof is required).

I mainly chose to keep my name for personal/feminist reasons. The safety thing is just a bonus, given the line of work I have chosen, and not something I feel is necessary in general. However, being aware of how you keep your boundaries is something I'd advise more broadly - I learnt early about being ex-directory when a client rang me at home when I was an AP!
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vars
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Post by vars » Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:21 am

What about people who are not married or men? They would have the same name regardless so negates safety issues

I can really see the point Spatch is making, my sister is getting married next year and she is very against taking her fiances name when they get married. My fiance is quite happy for me to do what I prefer so I dont feel I 'have' to but I do feel I'd like to, it is something I've thought about alot though

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baa
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Post by baa » Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:24 am

vars wrote:What about people who are not married or men? They would have the same name regardless so negates safety issues
Well yes, maybe I should just get married to avoid being stalked ;) Or change my name by deedpoll! Princess Consuela Bananahammock. It's just whether to use that as my professional or personal name 8)

It's up to the individual really, yes I can see the argument for keeping your own name, but then again feeling more of a family unit with their partner is very important to some people. I don't attach much meaning to my surname, I'm baa - so I'd get more upset about changing my firstname than my surname.

If I had a child and I was married and had kept my current surname, the child would have my name though, my damn womb went through 9 months of pregnancy, my name.

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Post by charley » Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:56 am

Anybody ever thought of asking their husband to change his name? why not have a 'family unit' with the matriarch's name? Friends of mine both changed their names to a mutually chosen surname to solve any greviances in that area. I always had (all my friends married a long time ago) a sinking feeling of disappointment whenever a strong minded, independent, female friend meekly changed her name on her wedding day for the sake of convenience. Another victory for patriarchy. :)

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