My diamond shoes are too tight

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workingmama
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My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by workingmama » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:10 am

I've had a few strokes of great good fortune recently. My viva went reasonably well, I got very few minor changes to the thesis, I'm qualifying/finished in three weeks, I've got enough work (locum + mat leave combo) in areas that I'm very committed to, and a tax rebate came through yesterday - meaning that I can register for further training which the NHS couldn't pay for where I am currently. My children are healthy and happy enough, my partner is kind and supportive, and I live in a safe, friendly area in my own home, which we are arranging for an attic conversion so that all the children can have their own rooms. We don't have a large number of friends locally (been a bit too busy to prioritise), but we have enough, and my placement supervisor and team are amazing.

And...I feel briefly overwhelmed by all the change and luck, and extremely guilty for feeling like this. I've had so much good fortune this year that I should be sick with gratitude (and I am), but feel that all the changes are a bit ...yikes! Each individual thing is great but challenging, and together seem, just, well, a bit yikes!

Tips please for grounding someone with utter first world problems, with too many diamond shoes, that probably deserves a good kick in the seat of the pants! Thoughts so far include making time for walks on the beach to try to process all the change (all this news and changes and decisions about training all occurred in the last 8 weeks, and most of them in the last 5 days).

Thanks all,

A very humble and grateful and head-spinny WM
x


Edit: I do realise that I am being a complete spanner about this.
Fail, fail again, fail better.

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ad15
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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by ad15 » Fri Aug 19, 2016 10:41 am

Hi Workingmama

I was in a similar position last year as I comtemplated the end of the doctorate. I had recived a job offer in area that I had always wanted to work, I had started a new relationship and was looking to move house. All wonderful things, but all seemed completely overwhelming at the time! I wondered if given the difficulty getting onto the doctorate, the intensisty of the course itself and working with clients/client groups who are often distressed can often lead us to feel overwhelemed/unsettled/guilty when things start to go well. I started to realise that getting a job in a preferred area or doing really well on a assignment/thesis are fantastic things, but actually things that people in all sorts of careers strive for and do achieve!

Take time for yourself to do nice things,like walking on the beach as you mentioned. Celebrate your achievements! And if possible take some time off before you start into work again- a short holiday, catching up and TV/movies, seeing friends, having the luxury of not setting an alarm in the morning (although with children im not so sure about that one lol). The hard work will start very soon and life will feel very rountine again! Finishing up is a wonderful time, but like any transition, can also stir up a range of emtions, often difficult ones. I'm not sure if this was in anyway helpful, but I wanted to convey that I felt the same way last year but it absolutely does get better! Good luck with everything x

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maven
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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by maven » Fri Aug 19, 2016 9:11 pm

Change is tricky, even when it is positive change. Be kind to yourself.

In the short term, just breathe. Do some stuff that takes no thought. Take a long bubble bath, go blackberry picking, read a book, do yoga, go for a bike ride, watch a rubbish film, do something creative or just eat ice cream.

In the middle term, take some time off, go somewhere peaceful and give yourself thinking time and space to process and adjust.

In the long term, things will work themselves out.
Maven.

Wise men talk because they have something to say, fools because they have to say something - Plato
The fool thinks himself to be wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool - Shakespeare

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workingmama
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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by workingmama » Mon Aug 22, 2016 7:57 am

Thanks chaps.

In the main, I just feel like an unappreciative scrudbag. I have a good friend trying to get on to the course, and it's hard to not feel guilty for my good fortune. I've had another weekend since the news that i have work (still yay!), and it's starting to sink in.

Happy times ahead.

x
Fail, fail again, fail better.

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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by Monroe » Mon Aug 22, 2016 12:24 pm

I feel like I can really relate to this. I got on to training last year and it was the first time in my life that I realised that even very positive, amazing changes in life can bring on heaps of stress! A life change is a life change after all and even happy circumstances require lots of adjustment! I also think part of my stress came from feeling like things in life were going too well and wondering when it might end :shock:

I don't think you should put it down to 'diamond shoes' because whilst of course it's good to have perspective, it's still okay to feel overwhelmed, and you're not an ungrateful person for wanting to take a breather!

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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by Ruthie » Thu Sep 08, 2016 5:45 pm

I'm going through a period in life when things are largely going well in my life and things I have wanted for a long time are happening. It is incredibly joyful, tender and vulnerable all at the same time. I was quite surprised when I read some of Brene Brown's work about joy and how it can be a terrifying emotion as we fear it might be taken from us or just that we are so used to striving and solving problems that it can be hard to soften into joy and just be with the feeling and be grateful for it.

I read some beautiful words recently by David Whyte about joy. They're here if you want to take a look.

I really liked this line:

To feel a full and untrammeled joy is to have become fully generous; to allow our selves to be joyful is to have walked through the doorway of fear, the dropping away of the anxious worried self felt like a thankful death itself, a disappearance, a giving away, overheard in the laughter of friendship, the vulnerability of happiness and the magnified vulnerability of its imminent loss, felt suddenly as a strength, a solace and a source, the claiming of our place in the living conversation, the sheer privilege of being in the presence of the ocean, the sky or a daughter’s face framed by the mountains - I was here and you were here and together we made a world.

Sometimes it just takes courage to fully enjoy and embrace all we have. I also think acknowledging its vulnerability means we can be joyful in a way that doesn't diminish our compassion for others who may be going through more difficult circumstances or stop us from being available to others. Nor does everything have to be perfect for us to experience joy - life is messy and complex and we run the full gamut of emotions at any one time so certainly being grateful and happy doesn't mean we have to go around like irritating pollyannas all day long driving everyone else up the wall and thank goodness for that!!!

Ruthie
If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken Him completely by surprise.

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workingmama
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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by workingmama » Tue Oct 25, 2016 1:29 pm

That does resonate, Ruthie, particularly the fear that 'it might all be taken away'. What an interesting way to think of it. I feel more vulnerable when things are going well, then when I know I need to hunker down and wait out a hardship - maybe it's the sense that you might get blindsided if you stop looking for what's going to get you.

Lots of food for thought - thanks!
Fail, fail again, fail better.

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Re: My diamond shoes are too tight

Post by lingua_franca » Wed Dec 07, 2016 1:12 am

This thread resonates with me at the moment. I've been given a postdoc fellowship that could have been made for me, I'll be living close to family and some good friends, I'll be earning over twice as much as what I get now as a HCA, I've just found the perfect flat that felt like home as soon as I walked in...and still there is this niggling anxiety that it's all too good to be true, that something terrible is going to happen to spoil it all. Maybe the funding for the postdoc will suddenly evaporate. Or the estate agent will reject my tenancy application. Or something awful will happen in my personal life. And am I really doing the right thing to walk away from speech and language therapy training? I love hands-on work with the young people in my CAMHS unit, what am I doing going into more research, am I going to regret this? Although I do feel happy, on another level I'm suspicious that this happiness can't be real. I think it may be because the last three years have been incredibly hard for me - 2014 was very rough, 2015 was so horrible I can't even find an adjective that works for it, and 2016 was one long repair and rescue mission to get myself back on track. So perhaps it's the contrast that I'm finding so disorientating. It's been quite a while since I've woken up to no problems.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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