5 things I'm thinking today. . .

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miriam
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Sun Nov 24, 2019 5:15 pm

workingmama wrote:
Fri Nov 22, 2019 8:42 am
lingua_franca wrote:
Wed Oct 23, 2019 4:11 pm
1.) At the beginning of the month I spent five days as a psychiatric inpatient. I think that short week will be informing my professional life for a long time to come. It was an eye-opening experience. It also left me with a lot of hope. There was one conversation with a psychiatrist and another with a lovely kind-hearted HCA that felt life-changing, even though on the surface they were so simple. Whenever I catch myself thinking that I can't possibly make a difference to someone because I don't have enough resources/skills/time, I'll remember those two and what they managed to achieve for me in such a short space of time.
I'm so sorry to read of your illness this month. Sending hugs and every possible good wish for a continued recovery and return to wellness x,
This. And thanks for sharing. It is too easy to think of them and us when it comes to mental health, but lots of us flit between both roles (and probably end up more insightful clinicians for it) so it is good to have that conversation.
lingua_franca wrote:
Wed Oct 23, 2019 4:11 pm
2.) I've got an allotment now! I'm very excited. The idea of putting seeds in the earth and getting edibles out feels like sorcery. I know nothing about growing anything, but I love being in the outdoors, and I'm keen to learn.
If you PM me your address, I can send you loads of seeds. I got 150 packets free with some wooden trugs, and planted about 5 of them!
Miriam

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Sun Nov 24, 2019 5:40 pm

1. Feeling annoyed as an organisation agreed for me to do a big (18 month) piece of work, then strung me along with delays for 4 months before changing their plan entirely and telling me they were pulling out on Friday, whilst I had passed up other work on the basis of our verbal agreement.
2. Generally feeling a bit tired and stressed too, as I've got lots of little battles going on in my home life (mis-sold holiday, incompetent builder, faulty vehicle, a festival failing to refund after turning into an inaccessible mud-slick, and I'm still trying to reach a settlement after my RTA in 2015) and now BT openreach contractors have dug up my driveway during the rainiest weather in years, and seem surprised their trench flooded and baffled what to do about it, so they've left us with no safe access to the house all weekend.
3. On the positive side, an independent factor analysis by an academic confirmed my five factor model for BERRI, and is helping us to write a paper about it. And an AP at my company is presenting at the PQG stream of the DCP conference about our project.
4. Reading books to my children often adds extra dimensions. They enhanced my view of the Harry Potter books, but having picked Twilight as our current read we've had a whole different set of conversations about stalkers, self-esteem and putting yourself at risk, which are useful but make me horrified this book was so widely read by teens without such scaffolding.
5. Can't beat having real fires in our wood stove. Except perhaps by watching three cats lounging about enjoying sharing the warmth of a real fire.
Miriam

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by luckyrabbit » Fri Nov 29, 2019 5:58 pm

1. Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm cut out for Cambridge, but I think in the sea of students surrounding me, the feeling is mutual.
2. It's best not to bring up politics around my family.
3. I wish we talked about death more openly in our culture.
4. I may not have written 50k words of my novel this month...but I've written 30k more than I would have otherwise.
5. I never get sick, now I am sick, it feels weird getting sick.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Mon Dec 16, 2019 12:40 pm

1. Number 1 from above are saying the project is postponed not cancelled. Guess I'll have to see which is true. But many other projects coming up, so I won't be short of things to do.
2. Number 2 is improving a bit too. Driveway is now passable, RTA claim has settled (though I haven't got any payment yet). Still got to send some stroppy letters.
3. I've got a new cooker and I've ordered a new fridge. Cooking a pizza in 20 minutes rather than over an hour, being able to bake cakes, and using more than one hob ring at a time make it feel like a little luxury. But I feel self-indulgent for not holding out until all the building work was done (even though the 6-12 month timeline we planned will have reached 4 years in March, without us even starting the work on the kitchen).
4. One of our cats has worms. They are very disgusting alien-like things. Trying to give the three cats liquid medicine reminded me of the very old meme about how to give a cat a pill (Catch cat. Put pill in its mouth. Retrieve pill from houseplant. Catch cat. Put pill in its mouth and hold mouth closed. Return from A&E with stitches. Catch cat, wrap in towel, grasp it between your legs. Put pill in cat's mouth and hold it shut, whilst riding bucking bronco, etc) vs how to give a dog a pill (wrap it in bacon). Next time I'll get the spot on treatment that does fleas and worms together.
5. Working on a grant application. It felt like we've had all the elements right this time, but then a major partner pulled out. I've only got days to fix it, and these things are so competitive that even if I can the odds will be 10:1 against us, so I need to think about contingency financing options.
Miriam

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reishi
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by reishi » Mon Dec 16, 2019 2:47 pm

1) Must write thesis
2) Looking forward to going to home over holidays!
3) Sick of being sick
4) Love new placement and the people there!
5) Must write thesis
"Ever since psychoanalysis was developed, almost everyone is ill one way or another"

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by nomnom » Mon Dec 23, 2019 10:32 pm

1. I am once again surprised by how fast this year has gone and by everything that has happened in such a short time.

2. Though I know a major event this weekend could make it all worthwhile or not at all. It is an uncomfortable limbo yet again.

3. As ever, I am not coping with the cold. I just want to eat and sleep.

4. I know I will be ok whatever happens.

5. "The hardest thing you will ever go through is to love someone. Loving someone who is imperfect, makes repeated choices that hurt you and put you at a crossroads not knowing if you can continue. I have no advice for you. Just that each trial will test you to your limits, sometimes you won’t have the strength to carry on or the will to take a chance. There is no right or wrong. This is the process. Only the end justifies if the means are worth it. But the reality is, not many go through the process and very few get the worthy ending. The not knowing which one you are, is the hardest part of all. Where do you draw the line? When is it too much or enough? How to know when or if you should call it? So you must decide, if continuing to love this person is worth risking it all. Even when you’re not sure if they would do the same for you. But it is not about them. They can be good but in order for you to be great, the choice has to be yours as do the lessons. Whatever comes from these, is what you take forward and leave behind whatever/whomever no longer comes with peace."
'Forget what hurt you. But remember what it taught you'

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by firegal » Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:12 pm

1. Professional indemnity insurance is scary!

2. It's a great feeling to realise you enjoy doing something so much that you'd happily do it for free.

3. I wouldn't do clinical work for free, but I'm loving my qualified post, and having some honorary research time on top of it is just the icing on the cake and really balances out my week.

4. I'm not entirely sure where my new softer approach to myself and personal goals has come from, but I am really appreciating it - not everything has to be done NOW, and not everything has to be done 110%, it will be done when I can do it, before it's too late, and to the best of my abilities at that moment in time. And that's fine.

5. I finally understand what people mean when people say it's a privilege to be able to work with the clients they work with, I always thought it was a bit twee and condescending if I'm honest, but most of the days I go in to work, I find myself amazed by the people I work with.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by Victoriomantic » Sun Jan 19, 2020 9:24 pm

firegal wrote:
Wed Jan 15, 2020 3:12 pm

4. I'm not entirely sure where my new softer approach to myself and personal goals has come from, but I am really appreciating it - not everything has to be done NOW, and not everything has to be done 110%, it will be done when I can do it, before it's too late, and to the best of my abilities at that moment in time. And that's fine.
I needed to hear something like this today, thank you firegal. I'm pleased for you to be feeling this way too, and congrats on qualified life!

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Wed Jan 22, 2020 3:56 am

1. I have three cats. A big black cat who is always belly up for love, a middle sized black and white cat who purrs like a tractor, and a little shy black cat with a white bib and one white toe. The big one was quite poorly with a fever earlier this week, and I was really worried about him, but thankfully he seems to have made a full recovery. It has reminded me how vulnerable they are, and in fact we all are, to factors outside of our own control and made me feel more grateful for the health we often take for granted.
2. I've submitted a grant application, so fingers crossed until we hear back in March or April.
3. I wrote another grant application, after lots of meetings with a partner organisation to agree the plan for a collaborative project, only for them to withdraw an hour before the deadline after I'd spent 18 hours working on the bid documents. That was very frustrating.
4. I loved Upright by Tim Minchin. If you haven't seen it get a week of free NowTV and binge it right away.
5. First time I've not had a looming deadline for a court report or grant application hanging over me in ages. Nice to have a breather. Might even fit in a spa day or at least a trip to the cinema with my husband to make the most of it whilst it lasts.

PS Firegal - Professional Indemnity insurance doesn't need to be scary. It is very rarely needed, but when it is needed it is immensely reassuring to have it. Phone Steve at Oxygen for a quote, as policies there tend to be cheaper with better cover than other providers. That said, I pay a fortune now to get insurance for my whole company, employees and contractors, our software and my court expert witness work.
Miriam

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Wed Apr 22, 2020 10:59 am

1.) I'm really frustrated and disappointed that after at least two decades of evidence-based media advocacy by eating disorder charities, the BBC saw fit to air what was basically a tutorial on how to develop a bulimic attitude towards food, with a presenter reacting in a very defensive and passive-aggressive way to Beat's decision to keep their helpline open until eleven p.m. after the broadcast (demand had tripled since the show was advertised).
2.) One of the things I love most about qualitative research interviews is when a participant leaves with an insight into themselves that they didn't have before. Yesterday I did a phone interview with a participant who said at the end, "I was anxious about doing this, but it's really helped me to think things through. Thank you." Sometimes I feel as if research isn't as 'useful' as clinical work, especially when I've hit a brick wall or I'm mired in not-so-exciting adminy work, so these things are important to remember.
3.) My two cats are excellent company. I can't imagine what lockdown would be like if I didn't have any pets. Watching their antics makes me smile.
4.) Online teaching isn't as bad as I feared, but it's definitely more draining than teaching in person.
5.) I'm so lucky to live where I do. I was frustrated that my house purchase had been stalled by the lockdown, but if I'd moved I would be in a terraced street now, instead of in a rural area with so much beauty on the doorstep.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Thu Apr 23, 2020 3:00 am

lingua_franca wrote:
Wed Apr 22, 2020 10:59 am
5.) I'm so lucky to live where I do. I was frustrated that my house purchase had been stalled by the lockdown, but if I'd moved I would be in a terraced street now, instead of in a rural area with so much beauty on the doorstep.
It is good to be grateful for where we are at, but terraced streets can have much more community than more spread out rural properties, even if they are prettier, so I'm sure you'll enjoy that when you get there.

My thoughts are all about gratitude at the moment too.

1. Very grateful to have a home with enough space indoors and out to meet the needs of our family at the moment. I'm grateful for our veg box delivery, our chickens that give us an endless supply of eggs, our cats keeping us chill, the wonders of the internet, the lovely views with trees coming back into leaf, and having a polytunnel to plant vegetables in.
2. It is challenging to balance work and life and education and parenting all in the same space and time, but it has its joys also. We've discovered new activities like Code Beak from code.org and foraging for ingredients like nettles and wild garlic. I'm enjoying having time to read (Uprooted by Naomi Novik at present, and Charmed Life by Diana Wynne Jones aloud to the kids each night) and watch telly (finally watching The West Wing, and thinking how different it would be now with a Trump-like Republican, as well as playing catch up with the great pottery throwdown, bakeoff and RHLSTP) and to cook (we made pizza from scratch this evening, and the kids baked brownies for dessert). If I could also get some art/crafting done, that would be amazing.
3. I'm immensely grateful for my other half. He is such a gift in my life, doing the majority of the domestic chores, supporting my business on the technical side, and finding lots of little ways to make my life happier and less stressful. Likewise I'm grateful to have kind and well behaved children, who ask great questions and have an interest in learning and being helpful.
4. I feel very grateful to be able to work from home, with the support of a good team, and work that in the most part can be converted to video. It feels like amazing timing to have done all the groundwork over the last two years to make the business ready to scale, and it has placed us in a good position to offer services that can make a positive impact to a larger number of children, and to deliver training and consulting online. At a time when so many people are facing personal risk or are out of work, or furloughed, or worrying about their livelihoods I am incredibly grateful to be in a position where my business is continuing to support me and all my staff, and might even grow.
5. Finally, I am more grateful than ever for my health, and that of my family - particularly whilst front line workers, including our own Gilly from the forum and relatives of other admins/mods and real life friends, are catching Covid-19. I hope that they all have the mild version and recover quickly, and that this confers future resilience. My childhood GP and the grandmother of someone I supervise have both died prematurely from Covid-19. It is a truly horrible disease, and I wouldn't wish it (or the anxiety of a loved one having it) on anyone.
Miriam

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by Victoriomantic » Mon Apr 27, 2020 7:47 pm

I really enjoyed Uprooted! Thank you for the positive post also Miriam, it felt good to read.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by miriam » Tue Apr 28, 2020 12:39 am

Victoriomantic wrote:
Mon Apr 27, 2020 7:47 pm
I really enjoyed Uprooted! Thank you for the positive post also Miriam, it felt good to read.
I just finished it, and it was great. I know lots of reviews dislike how critical the Dragon is of Agnieszka, but I felt like that was well explained by his fear of getting close to anyone, due to his childhood and many losses/betrayals (and he was kind in actions, and horrified to learn what others feared about him). And whilst it was quite menacing and gory at times (which put me off my initial plan to read it to the kids), it was very well written and the conclusion wasn't super obvious either. I felt like the time travelling yaga was a bit weird though, given it didn't pan out to be relevant - but maybe that was the point? I loved the description of the feel of the magic, and the connection with nature. It felt like a cross between Nausicaa Valley of the Wind and a very dark retelling of the Grimm's fairy tales.
Miriam

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Sun May 17, 2020 11:30 am

1.) I'm really enjoying all the extra time lockdown is giving me for cello practice. Time I would have spent on trains and buses is now spent on learning folk tunes. I want to play in a ceilidh band once I get over my shyness at performing in public.
2.) My cats continue to be hilarious company. Last night one managed to upend a cardboard box over himself and the other promptly sat on top of it, looking very satisfied with herself as he tried to paw his way out.
3.) Buying a house for the first time is exciting. I'm looking forward to painting and decorating my study as I want it.
4.) I very nearly have a house, which was a sensible adult dream. Now it's time to revert to the childhood dreams. I just need a permanent job and a hefty pay rise, and then I can think about the horse...
5.) I have bolognese cooking and the smell is torturing me.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Fri Jul 03, 2020 5:19 pm

1.) My mortgage application has been APPROVED! :D I'm ecstatic. It's going to be so lovely to have a house of my own. I'm trying not to get too carried away in case the surveyor finds asbestos or that it's built on a swanp or something, but I think I'll have Indian takeaway to celebrate.
2.) First the house, then the horse. I must get saving.
3.) The proofs for my forthcoming book are here, which always makes me feel like a parent viewing the first ultrasound of a new baby. As it's an academic hardback priced at a ridiculous sum I'm unlikely to earn anything from it, but every little helps the horse fund.
4.) I love this bracing windy weather we're having.
5.) My cat's diet isn't going well. She managed to pilfer a sponge cake and then regurgitate it on the stovetop.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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