5 things I'm thinking today. . .

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ChrisCross
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by ChrisCross » Tue Feb 06, 2018 10:00 pm

purpledot wrote: Hi ChrisCross,

Your post really resonated with me, and I wanted to comment to offer some solidarity. I'm sorry you've had such a bad experience so early on into training, and I'm glad that the course & your family/friends have been supportive. I had a difficult experience in one of my first year placements, and it can feel like such a shock when it happens, particularly when it's happening in the middle of what is already a demanding and stressful training course. I hope that you're doing ok (and have access to support if needed), and that your next placement is a good experience for you.


1. Absolutely loving the Roller Derby world cup, can't wait to watch Bonnie Thunders in the final!
2. Wish I'd gotten tickets as it's so close, and very jealous of my teammates who are in the crowd.
3. As so many of our coaches are watching the world cup, we got to play skate-basketball in training today which was so much fun, even if I did manage to accidentally cause a four-person collision.
4. Conflicting feelings towards my upcoming end of placement. The clinical work is definitely not the area I want to work in (though it's been v interesting!), but I'm in a lovely team and with a fantastic supervisor who I feel that I could continue to learn so much from.
5. Things within our cohort are difficult at the moment due to some unexpected news. We've been lucky to have wonderful support from our course staff, but it's been a really hard experience and there's not really much that can be done to change that unfortunately.
Thanks for the kind words, Purpledot. It really has been a bit of a shock/whirlwind to be honest, though it helps to know that I'm not the only one who has had a tough time of it. I'm sorry to hear that things have been difficult in your cohort too - sending lots of warm wishes your way.

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nomnom
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by nomnom » Fri Feb 09, 2018 12:13 pm

1. I am managing to get through each day by taking it one day at a time. I am ok at some points, need a little cry other times and then unsure for the rest of the time. But its allowing to function and I really need to hold on to that.

2. I am so thankful for the people in my life. Even though I can be private about difficult times but even just thinking about who is in my life, our last interactions and memories, that alone makes me smile. Despite the hardships, I am reflecting more on the things to be grateful for you.

3. 4 months until I finish this CBT course - woo! I should really be thinking about the next steps but I am finding it easier to think I will go with the flow because for the first time, I can stand still and not lose anything. I am looking forward to that moment of stillness.

4. Being 28 feels strange.

5. Its still so cold. This winter has been relentless. Come soon spring!
'Forget what hurt you. But remember what it taught you'

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Victoriomantic
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by Victoriomantic » Sat Feb 10, 2018 1:21 pm

1. Can it be March yet?

2. Confirmation from courses that medical limbo won't affect me at this stage! Yay!

3. It's all starting to feel real now

4. I'm hoping I'm practicing/revising the right stuff for selection tests

5. Got a lot going on this month and hating this weather... can it be March yet? (reprise)

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sweetpea
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by sweetpea » Mon Feb 12, 2018 12:04 pm

ChrisCross wrote:It really has been a bit of a shock/whirlwind to be honest, though it helps to know that I'm not the only one who has had a tough time of it.
^ You're definitely not the only one. I've had a disastrous first placement and am currently counting down until I'm moved to a new placement at Easter. Even amongst my cohort, for those where everything is 'going to plan', it still seems to have been quite a shock to the system. Do you have reflective practice as part of your course? I've found that really helpful for connecting my experiences with others'.

1. CFS is currently wreaking havoc with my concentration / mental stamina in lectures.
2. Can't wait for 2 weeks' leave (/rest!) at the end of March.
3. Thinking ahead to thesis planning is weirdly exciting.
4. I really fancy some dairy milk choc.
5. I also need coffee. So much coffee. :shock:

lingua_franca
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Tue Feb 13, 2018 8:08 pm

1.) I love my volunteering at the children's hospital. Today it was hard work to keep up my grown-up façade - I was getting so into all the games that one small boy reproachfully confiscated a toy from another patient and said, "It's Lingua's go", evidently worried that I wasn't getting a fair turn. :lol:
2.) I've had two conference papers accepted, I've got a good number of enthusiastic students who more than make up for the ones who sit there looking as if I've chloroformed them, and my ethics reviewers are being very swift - if I can just get my manuscript and journal articles finished in decent time I will be very happy with how this postdoc is going.
3.) I've started taking beginners' German classes. I love learning new languages. It feels very relaxing - something about working out the patterns in the grammar. It's like playing a really absorbing game of Sudoku.
4.) I want to replace the strings on my cello, as they're sounding a bit sorry for themselves now. It's pricey to do that. I'm wondering if I shouldn't just go the whole hog and upgrade my cello, but even the thought makes me feel guilty, as though we're in a relationship and I'm planning to cheat on him or something.
5.) Still no word on whether I have an interview for the permanent lectureship I applied for. My mentor told me the application I sent was great. I really hope it was great enough, because I can't face more application forms - I want a permanent post if only to give me a rest from applying for things!
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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ChrisCross
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by ChrisCross » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:06 pm

sweetpea wrote:You're definitely not the only one. I've had a disastrous first placement and am currently counting down until I'm moved to a new placement at Easter. Even amongst my cohort, for those where everything is 'going to plan', it still seems to have been quite a shock to the system. Do you have reflective practice as part of your course? I've found that really helpful for connecting my experiences with others'.
Sorry things haven't been so good for you either Sweetpea. Yeah, lots of reflective space on our course and I'm keeping a reflective diary of the journey through training. Feels like there is a lot of support around me at the moment and people who believe in me, so it's not all bad.

1. The parents came to stay for the past couple of days and it was really good to catch up. Feels a bit strange being half way across the country... I definitely miss mum's cooking and a good Sunday roast.
2. Have been making time to play some of my old video games from my teenage years - lots of fun and nostalgia!
3. My guilty pleasure at the moment is Celebs Go Dating on channel 4 (it's so cringe but I can't help myself) :oops:
4. Done with the cold and rain now... I keep fantasising about moving abroad to a warm, sunny country.
5. New long term plan - win the lottery and travel the world (totally doable, right?)

MindfulPsych
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by MindfulPsych » Tue Feb 13, 2018 10:37 pm

1. Through to the next stage.. I still have far to go but to me it's an achievement not to be rejected at the first step and I am proud of this.

2. This is a tough process but so grateful to have such wonderful support

3. Looking forward to starting a new project at work soon and have further training in cognitive therapy :D

4. Feeling hopeful about things

5. where has the sunshine gone?

nightowl
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by nightowl » Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:30 am

1. Feeling like the sense of 'imposter syndrome' is just getting more and more ingrained as my work on placement begins to move away from my 'comfort zone' to 'definitely not my comfort zone', and feeling as though I should know how to actually do some psychology by now (but not).

2. Struggling with my supervisors rather perfectionist standards when it comes to reports. Feel I've worked hard to abandon my perfectionist traits during my time as an AP (as they were just serving to make me unnecessarily stressed and over-worked), to accept that it's okay for things to be 'good enough'. This approach worked for me, and I actually found the standard of the things I was doing improved dramatically due to the reduction of stress I was putting myself under. Given it was a report I'd written a few dozen of in the past as an AP and never struggled with, you'd be forgiven for thinking from my supervisor's feedback that it was the worst one ever written. Both she and the other trainees/APs warned me that she goes into a lot of depth with feedback (because she thinks its helpful), but I feel it goes beyond helpful into just demoralising. I have no desire to go back to being a 'perfectionist', but feel I'm being made guilty by those around me about my 'good enough' approach to work.

3. Should probably being more assertive about establishing a research project. Mixture of people not replying to emails, and me procrastinating from chasing them up. Am I the only person that just feels rude chasing emails?

4. Got feedback on my first assignment today - very pleased with it! Reassured me that maybe I am academically capable of this and it's not all just a huge mistake?

5. Definitely in that conscious-incompetence and unsafe-uncertainty stage of training right now, which maybe isn't being helped by my supervisor, who I just find every so slightly intimidating and not very containing. The goal of where I need to get to by the end of training just feels very very far away!

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mungle
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by mungle » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:19 am

1. Re-asserting a social life and re-balancing life after a hectic few months at work.
2. Tangling again with the world of research and time to re-visit those demons from training!
3. Wondering if the NHS will ever have the capacity for my 'urgent' but 'non-emergency' over-due treatment.
4. I adore having pets.
5. Wondering if I can offer any helpful live chat for interview season e.g. case study & formulation.

lingua_franca
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:35 am

Nightowl, would you feel able to give some feedback to your supervisor? She's explained to you that she likes to be thorough, and she thinks it will be helpful to you, which suggests to me that she is open to hearing what you think - she wouldn't care if you found it helpful or not otherwise. I think some supervisors also have a tendency to highlight only the areas you could improve, as they assume you already know the things you're doing well, and they don't realise that this isn't the case and you're getting demoralised.

1.) I didn't get the permanent lectureship. :( I'm unsurprised, given my lack of experience and the level of competition for academic jobs, and I'm happy to have got as far as I did in the process. However, part of me has just shrivelled up inside at the prospect of having to fill in yet more application forms.
2.) The staff bereavement group I signed up for has been cancelled as the chaplain was unable to find a date that suited everyone. Instead he's offering to meet us individually. That feels a bit...intense. :? I just wanted to sit with other bereaved people and not necessarily have to say much.
3.) I went to my GP to see if there is any other support available around bereavement. I'm apprehensive about how it's going to go. Given my history of eating disorders, she wanted to check my weight, and she asked me to come back fortnightly so she can keep an eye on it. I'm lucky to have such a proactive GP who understands my pitfalls in difficult times, and she is lovely, but the prospect of regular weighing is making me feel pressured rather than supported.
4.) I've worn my beloved pirate boots almost to death and the cobbler can't repair them any more, so I was thrilled to discover the exact same pair on eBay. They are the comfiest boots I've ever had.
5.) I need to get my manuscript to my publisher and stop procrastinating. I'm thinking about going away for a week for a little writing holiday, so I can concentrate on it fully. It would be nice to have a change of scene.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

Esuma
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by Esuma » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:43 am

1.) Utterly bizarre to finally be on the application train - such a strange anxiety provoking experience despite the constant self assurances and comments to everyone that ‘it’s my first application, I definitely won’t get on’
2.) But what if I never get on?! It sometimes feels like we’re all commiting ourselves to a ‘chance’ and I’ll have no idea what to do with my life if this chance never happens.
3.) Really really need to prep for the assessment days, starting to sense a bit of self sabotage with my lack of enthusiasm to shove my head into a stats book. It would really help if I even knew what one of the assessments was!
4.) Really hope I finally get discharged from the hospital today, 8 years of regular hospital visits and 5 surgeries it would be brilliant to just feel slightly more ‘normal’ - am I hoping too much that I’ll be able to ski?!
5.) Hoping I can take my last 30 day photography challenge photo today and let myself off the slight cheating that occurred throughout - maybe I’ll find another one to try!

lingua_franca
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Fri Feb 23, 2018 12:00 am

1.) My publisher and I have agreed on a cover photo for the book. It's fantastic and we all loved it on sight. Now if only I can persuade them to change the awful title they're currently insisting on...
2.) There is a possibility that there might be a documentary film about my research. I'm meeting the filmmakers next month and they'll decide if they want to take it forward. This is really exciting.
3.) I've booked a short writing retreat. I was meant to use it to finish my monograph, but it looks as if that will be done and dusted before the retreat rolls round. I might use it for a fun creative project instead.
4.) My students have a reading week. I wish I could be confident that they are all reading, but the break is doing me good.
5.) I've been invited to an ex's wedding. He and are still good friends, and I get on well with his fiancee too, so I didn't see anything at all odd about the invitation...until I mentioned it to my family and some other friends and saw their reaction. I hope the guests who knew me when he and I were together aren't going to be similarly weirded out by it.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

lingua_franca
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Joined: Tue Sep 14, 2010 11:29 pm

Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by lingua_franca » Wed Feb 28, 2018 11:29 am

1.) Last month I asked a friend if she would be prepared to be a guest speaker on my course. She agreed, and I gave her the date. I contacted her today to finalise the arrangements (the class is on Friday) and got, "Oh, I'm moving house on that day." No apology. :evil: This isn't the first time people have done this sort of thing to me, and I don't think it's that they're rude in general, I think it's that they feel able to be rude to me in particular because I so rarely kick up a fuss.
2.) I need to learn to kick up a fuss.
3.) One of my closest friends died just before Christmas, and people seem to have a hard time grasping that it's barely been two months and I'm still grieving. I'm feeling a bit let down by people in general.
4.) I need a cat.
5.) Snow is falling and my heating is still broken. I definitely need to learn to kick up more fuss.
"Suppose a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"
"Suppose it didn't," said Pooh, after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.
- A.A. Milne.

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firegal
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by firegal » Wed Feb 28, 2018 3:56 pm

lingua_franca wrote:1.) My publisher and I have agreed on a cover photo for the book. It's fantastic and we all loved it on sight. Now if only I can persuade them to change the awful title they're currently insisting on...
2.) There is a possibility that there might be a documentary film about my research. I'm meeting the filmmakers next month and they'll decide if they want to take it forward. This is really exciting.
3.) I've booked a short writing retreat. I was meant to use it to finish my monograph, but it looks as if that will be done and dusted before the retreat rolls round. I might use it for a fun creative project instead.
:cheers: you are pretty awesome, I hope you know that :D

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firegal
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Re: 5 things I'm thinking today. . .

Post by firegal » Thu Mar 01, 2018 11:39 am

1. Today is starting with lots of phone calls following up on missed appointments, and I suspect will finish that way too. I am just having no luck with this placement.
2. If yesterday's session hadn't gone as well as it did I would be feeling really rotten about myself right now.
3. If I measure my worth based on whether or not people show up to appointments then I suspect I will end up feeling very low indeed!
4. Feeling more excited about potential specialist placements, so much choice, decisions to be made!
5. Worrying a bit about my other half, hoping he's doing alright today, wishing I could do more to be there for him and can't help feeling like my own anxieties always result in me being more of a critical voice than a supportive one at the moment :(

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